Sitting there and listening to the band singing their passion tonight to the audience.
Looking at the expression from the artists, suddenly, something was passed a long time ago coming back to me.
I remember why I used to fall for you back then.
Just that simple, warm, and contagious smile gently lying on the face, it seems when you smile, whole your face brighten up, so sweet that when I receive the smile, it's like that's what life is all about and that's why no matter how scared I was, nothing could stop me.
I don't remember what happened next, a lot have happened and we started to debate, to argue, and all the uncertainty and distrust started to build up. It seems no matter who is hurting who or who is owing up to whom at the end. Even at the end, it is the cheating spilt us apart, deep down, I knew there is more than something we should be all responsible for.
Tonight, this smile from this person expressing to another, sudden I remember why and I was so lost during the period that I totally forgot the most important thing I was doing all this. Just that simply and warm happiness I wanted to own. I was young and green, but I wanted it so bad that even the possible thoughts of losing it barely bearable for me.
I was focusing too much on the lost of it rather than enjoying the moment. I felt I was so insecure that I might not be good enough or deserve to this happiness, yet I was so deeply fall for you that I thought this is it.
I did something really stupid cause this uncertainty and insecure was hunting me back then. We were both young and no one knew how to deal with this. I was terrifying the possible thoughts of the unthinkable result and worried to death regards myself as never good enough. It was a long torture of myself and this negative energy of course spreading between us. I forgot the most important thing for us is that I wanted to be happy and you were the reason I was happy back then.
Tonight, I saw this happy again in a night like this. Something stuck more than 10 years in my mind, suddenly found an outlet to release all the emotions and burden. After all these years, what has happened seems not important. I sure remembered the part I was hurt so badly, but tonight I finally understand everything.
Thank you and I forgive myself, please forgive yourself and me.
