士林夜市 怎麼 走 都是曾經 我們
人來人往 怎麼 看 都是背影 你的
站在這個時空 怎麼 不自覺地躍回當時
曾經身旁的伴 怎麼 現在心裡的盼
時差 怎麼 這麼嚴重
思念 怎麼 這麼紮根
走過 怎麼 這麼迷失
寂寞 怎麼 這麼孤單
怎麼 怎麼 這麼心痛
撫慰 拖著已身 回到現在
驚痛 不捨 怎麼 你身邊 多了一個他
原來 怎麼 的時空下 竟是我不願對的現實
怎麼 怎麼 怎麼 怎麼辦？
2011年1月19日
0333 the half of the devil
I know why she asked me to go out tonight for the dinner and I liberate to made myself busy from Thursday to Sunday. I appreciate her gesture and everything and there is nothing happening right this moment. It's just when the time comes, I can't stop thinking of what I got for this birthday and how I passed all these times.
If you chose not to have me in your life, the one thing I like the most of myself is that I don't beg. I might try to stay and even for some stupid faith, I might twist my believe here and there. Yet after all, I don't need pity like ever. I never had, I am not and I will never have.
Everyone is a good person in either ways. If being one of my friend is what you are aiming for, then I should treat you no more just like everyone else I have met and treated like as a friend.
What had happened is valued to me, yes, I'm using present tense! It is still valued for me. Somehow, I can't shake off the impression for me that what has passed is passed and history is just part of your life now, and nothing more. When I saw this day, I couldn't stop recalling what I did, I believed, and had done. I couldn't stop to feel sorry for myself, how could I ever being so stupid and too innocent like a moron? I know I couldn't blame all these to you, yet it does take two to tango. Taking all blames on others is way much easier to taking responsibility and staying to deal with all. Hey who cares when you have a new guy, right? What matters is what the new guy feels and cares! No? "Oh no, what does that lunatic want this time?"
I fairly took my responsibility and tried to stay and deal with the issues. Yet it's never possible to do this without the other person.
Did I regret? Believe me, I have been thinking that since the very first day I decided to give it a try. Even now, I still have no answer to that question. I look back and myself, compared to what I was when there was only me, I realised that I might be alone, but I was never lonely. I needed love but not hurt by love.
Sleepless nights, continuous pain, unstoppable tears, itching stomach, careless mind, endless waiting, expected disappointments, etc... I stayed up here and finally sitting here facing all these unspeakable truth from all the time being, I couldn't stop my tears, yet these tears are full of relieve and clearance.
I owe myself that much that I have to write all these feelings down and sincere apologise to myself. I did try my best to do what I believed, but I forgot to set the protection and bottom line for myself. I just simply had the faith that when there is a 'us', the best way to do is treating the other best and you will benefit from it.
At this day, a special day for you, I like to hug myself and thank you for your decision otherwise my tears tonight will be filled with different meanings and those nightmares would have been still haunting me. You deserve to do whatever you feel like to and I deserve not to get hurt from anything and/or anyone. Good bye stupid me and welcome to a present me. I can't guarantee that this new me will be any smarter or anything, but I know I am ready for myself and I love myself even more.
If you chose not to have me in your life, the one thing I like the most of myself is that I don't beg. I might try to stay and even for some stupid faith, I might twist my believe here and there. Yet after all, I don't need pity like ever. I never had, I am not and I will never have.
Everyone is a good person in either ways. If being one of my friend is what you are aiming for, then I should treat you no more just like everyone else I have met and treated like as a friend.
What had happened is valued to me, yes, I'm using present tense! It is still valued for me. Somehow, I can't shake off the impression for me that what has passed is passed and history is just part of your life now, and nothing more. When I saw this day, I couldn't stop recalling what I did, I believed, and had done. I couldn't stop to feel sorry for myself, how could I ever being so stupid and too innocent like a moron? I know I couldn't blame all these to you, yet it does take two to tango. Taking all blames on others is way much easier to taking responsibility and staying to deal with all. Hey who cares when you have a new guy, right? What matters is what the new guy feels and cares! No? "Oh no, what does that lunatic want this time?"
I fairly took my responsibility and tried to stay and deal with the issues. Yet it's never possible to do this without the other person.
Did I regret? Believe me, I have been thinking that since the very first day I decided to give it a try. Even now, I still have no answer to that question. I look back and myself, compared to what I was when there was only me, I realised that I might be alone, but I was never lonely. I needed love but not hurt by love.
Sleepless nights, continuous pain, unstoppable tears, itching stomach, careless mind, endless waiting, expected disappointments, etc... I stayed up here and finally sitting here facing all these unspeakable truth from all the time being, I couldn't stop my tears, yet these tears are full of relieve and clearance.
I owe myself that much that I have to write all these feelings down and sincere apologise to myself. I did try my best to do what I believed, but I forgot to set the protection and bottom line for myself. I just simply had the faith that when there is a 'us', the best way to do is treating the other best and you will benefit from it.
At this day, a special day for you, I like to hug myself and thank you for your decision otherwise my tears tonight will be filled with different meanings and those nightmares would have been still haunting me. You deserve to do whatever you feel like to and I deserve not to get hurt from anything and/or anyone. Good bye stupid me and welcome to a present me. I can't guarantee that this new me will be any smarter or anything, but I know I am ready for myself and I love myself even more.
2011年1月16日
Eat and Love
下面這篇文章是2010年10月29日 16:25發佈在臉書的文章：
感情就像是一道料理，
有人喜歡清新順口的味道
有人喜歡辛辣刺激的口感
遇到了，一起吃個飯，
也許是滿桌的不對味，
也許是從頭到尾的驚喜！
我們不都在人生的旅程中
尋覓，
在餐與餐之間，
消化學習成長改變！
有人求個溫飽，
有人求個美食！
在適當的時候，
合適的餐點及合得來的飯友，
就一同起程了！
也許有下一餐，
也許就這一餐！
有人，吃到一半就離席了！
有人，總是努力吃到完。
不論過程是什麼，
你是什麼態度角色，
記得，吃飯的是你！
選自己要的！做自己！
有人喜歡清新順口的味道
有人喜歡辛辣刺激的口感
遇到了，一起吃個飯，
也許是滿桌的不對味，
也許是從頭到尾的驚喜！
我們不都在人生的旅程中
尋覓，
在餐與餐之間，
消化學習成長改變！
有人求個溫飽，
有人求個美食！
在適當的時候，
合適的餐點及合得來的飯友，
就一同起程了！
也許有下一餐，
也許就這一餐！
有人，吃到一半就離席了！
有人，總是努力吃到完。
不論過程是什麼，
你是什麼態度角色，
記得，吃飯的是你！
選自己要的！做自己！
2011年1月15日
感情變成親情
最近，也許是非常地冷吧！（謝謝天候異常的結果！）竟然常碰到有這樣切身問題的朋友：當感情變成了「親情」，然後呢？
有些朋友，培養不同的興趣，從生活中尋找不同的刺激！有些朋友，從道德中解放，將感情與慾望做分割！有些朋友們，想放手，尋求下一段感情！有些朋友，不敢面對一個人，就開始騎驢找馬！我，不是感情專家，更不曾有過那種「感情變親情」的經驗，所以到底怎麼做才是好的？我自己更是困惑與不解。
只是，坐在床上聽著外面因寒流帶來的強風和著音樂，窩在被中還是抵不住冷的夜晚，三點的我，禁不住地思考，是不是每段感情都免不了從感情變成親情？這只是一個考驗？還是一個必然的結果？
當生活中的細節，開始充滿二人的世界的時候時，曾經包裹甜蜜的愛情，還剩下多少空間？原本努力排出時間給彼此的約會，變成互相體諒的工作、應酬、疲累時，上一次仔細看看身旁的他是何時？關心的問候與甜蜜，轉化成柴米油鹽醬醋茶時，油煙味加上帳單壓力的愛，你感受或感動能多少？
如果這只是一個考驗，那我們要如何去面對及準備這樣的考驗？真的有這樣的愛，可以在一連串無味的打繫後，還可以苟活嗎？就算有人承擔了這一切，那誰又能保証另一半也承擔了？到底有多少人通過這樣的考驗呢？也許，不該這樣問，而是該問有多少愛，多少感情，曾經通過這樣的考驗？人生，起起落落一直相伴，不禁想要抱怨～要求一點點的美好，也這麼困難？連談個感情也一定要面對考驗嗎？
就算通過了考驗了，下一次的考驗呢？這類考驗似乎不是只有一次的！而且總特別愛在人生最脆弱的時候，為了向誰證明自己夠堅強似地，下一波又來了！一次又一次地考驗，我們又怎麼保證這樣的打繫，不會令人疲倦無力嗎？如果最後連接這段感情的唯一保證，只是一張紙，這樣也算及格嗎？
那如果這是一個必然的結果，那是不是每段感情的開始，就是期待它的親情化？那也許，我們也不用太大驚小怪，因為感情成長到後來就是成為親情！那也許，我們真的該思考的是：成為親情的感情，真的有這麼不好不對嗎？用心去經營一段親情化的感情，不好嗎？親情不能包含感情嗎？
生命中的伴，陪你走過這些點點滴滴，為了你，將自己的空間化成二個人的空間！為了你，忍受孤單，體諒你的工作、應酬、疲累！為了你，生活熬成追著帳單及下一餐溫飽！這樣不夠甜蜜？不值得你好好看他一眼？不夠感動嗎？就算重來，你生命中，有多少人願意這樣跟你再來一回？你何期幸福，在人生中找到這樣的伴！這樣願意為了你而付出一切的伴！
也許這個問題的結論是，怎麼會有這樣的問題？？永遠看不到自己有的，而一直看著自己沒有的人，就是註定沒有幸福的權力！
所以，這是一個考驗！但這不是一個針對感情的考驗，這是一個針對你的考驗！考驗你是不是還有資格擁有你身邊的這個人！考驗你是不是還配享有你的伴為了你做的一切！這也是一個必然的結果，因為這才是一個完整的感情！完整的幸福！完整的二個人！
下一次，你還有這個問題時，別問自己然後呢？打電話給他／她，約個會，享用一下許久沒有的互動！讓彼此從習慣的空間跳脫出來，讓陌生的新奇幫你的親情打一針感情吧！
2008年9月30日
Miss
It takes about another five minutes before another one arrived. Down the way off the hill, suddenly I saw the bus I missed couple minutes ago. Breaking sign resting behind the bus in the middle of the road. An accident has occurred. Not serious but someone was sitting on the ground, one feet was bleeding. All the passengers are transferred to the one I took.
Keep the journey of my morning, I can't stop wondering the chances in life. I remember an old British movie, sliding door, talking about how life could be so different from each other just couple minutes.
We all always wonder the once a life time opportunity just around the corner, the right person in your life just next to you, all the good just coming in next second. Maybe that's how we comfort ourselves from the depression, and frustration in life. Maybe it's just an escape for all of us to a one moment piece in mind. Maybe after all, everyone needs a hope after all the disasters Pandora released to the world.
Interestingly, I can't stop wonder from time to time, how do we know what exact we missed? How could we always presume that the missing part is much better than now we have now? What if you are already in the good part, you missed the bad. Of course, how would we know since we didn't see the bad. So maybe what we have been thinking of having is already had or having.
So here is the big question in life, what exact do we miss in life? What exact do you miss in your life? Or even what do you want for your life? Let's not be cynical but optimistic, so what have you been doing for your life?
Mike blogged from E71
PS: This is not the bus I missed this morning, or is it?
2008年8月24日
好久不見
It's been a while since I last updated my blog.
Almost a year has passed by, and so many has happened in me and in my friends.
Well to name a few, I changed my job from Nippon Interier to France Fashion.
Couple friends broke up with their the other halves, and some got back together.
Some friends are going to be engaged!! (Congratulations!!)
Some are getting C country's working visa! (Finally and congratulations too!)
Some are persisting gettomg their PR whatever it costs.
Well, lifes are full of good and bad.
I'm still stucking in my visa issues and due to the first one, it's like a snow ball.
Just can't stop getting bigger.
Feel so happy for my friends wherever you are about moving forward to next step of your lives, and feel very positive for my friends wherever you are stuck in-betweens.
I remembered when I was a kid, always picturing if I grew up, there were so much I couldn't do when I was kid. Now, I cheriched the child still within me but couldn't stop teasing that child, how silly you were and how it's not possible to do whatever you want no matter how old you are.
When reality faces fatansy, sometimes, it might comflict a wonderful spark and creat an amazing result. But most of of the time, either you are forced to give up your dream, or you give in to your reality.
When I looked back to when I first started this blog, I can't stop wondering, what would have I planning for me and what have I become now? How many times I faces my dream vs. reality? and how many times exactly I have given in or out to which?
I have started praying since I was in the military. Not that I'm a stronger believer, yet when you feel helpless and so desparate, your mind needs a place to rest, to rely on. So I pray, to my ancestors, to the God, to Gods, to Buddad, to spirits. I'm not sure whether it works, cause it's never been my purpose when I prayed.
It reminds me of a movie I watched the other day, it said: if you pray for courage, do you think God will just give you courage or give you a chance to learn and gain courage? if you pray for happily ever together, do you think God will just give it to you or do you think God will give you a chance how to gain that and cherish after?
Then, I started again to review what I've been praying for. Have I gotten my chance? or have I just missed it without realising it? Life is full of choices, it's all about balancing and making the choice at the right time. Yet, I'm more curious of what would you do when you made the wrong choise at the wrong time? How do you mend that? or how do you compensate those?
Do we really always, ALWAYS get a second chance? I wonder...
One year, two jobs, and three years passed, getting over my home sick of London. Missing the time with the old friends, and missing the time of watching Friends with friends. I can still SEE the streets of London in front of me. It must have been changed so much, but still sto vivid in front of me. I could still feel the brick of the corner, and the traffic of the road.
Tonight, once again, I pray, pray for my friends, my family, for what I've done, pray. for what I'm doing, and for what I will do. Praying for if I had the chance, I would have seized it and made it right. Praying for if I could fly high, I could spread my wings and fly higher.
This is the night, I pray with hope that everything and everyone is okay.
Almost a year has passed by, and so many has happened in me and in my friends.
Well to name a few, I changed my job from Nippon Interier to France Fashion.
Couple friends broke up with their the other halves, and some got back together.
Some friends are going to be engaged!! (Congratulations!!)
Some are getting C country's working visa! (Finally and congratulations too!)
Some are persisting gettomg their PR whatever it costs.
Well, lifes are full of good and bad.
I'm still stucking in my visa issues and due to the first one, it's like a snow ball.
Just can't stop getting bigger.
Feel so happy for my friends wherever you are about moving forward to next step of your lives, and feel very positive for my friends wherever you are stuck in-betweens.
I remembered when I was a kid, always picturing if I grew up, there were so much I couldn't do when I was kid. Now, I cheriched the child still within me but couldn't stop teasing that child, how silly you were and how it's not possible to do whatever you want no matter how old you are.
When reality faces fatansy, sometimes, it might comflict a wonderful spark and creat an amazing result. But most of of the time, either you are forced to give up your dream, or you give in to your reality.
When I looked back to when I first started this blog, I can't stop wondering, what would have I planning for me and what have I become now? How many times I faces my dream vs. reality? and how many times exactly I have given in or out to which?
I have started praying since I was in the military. Not that I'm a stronger believer, yet when you feel helpless and so desparate, your mind needs a place to rest, to rely on. So I pray, to my ancestors, to the God, to Gods, to Buddad, to spirits. I'm not sure whether it works, cause it's never been my purpose when I prayed.
It reminds me of a movie I watched the other day, it said: if you pray for courage, do you think God will just give you courage or give you a chance to learn and gain courage? if you pray for happily ever together, do you think God will just give it to you or do you think God will give you a chance how to gain that and cherish after?
Then, I started again to review what I've been praying for. Have I gotten my chance? or have I just missed it without realising it? Life is full of choices, it's all about balancing and making the choice at the right time. Yet, I'm more curious of what would you do when you made the wrong choise at the wrong time? How do you mend that? or how do you compensate those?
Do we really always, ALWAYS get a second chance? I wonder...
One year, two jobs, and three years passed, getting over my home sick of London. Missing the time with the old friends, and missing the time of watching Friends with friends. I can still SEE the streets of London in front of me. It must have been changed so much, but still sto vivid in front of me. I could still feel the brick of the corner, and the traffic of the road.
Tonight, once again, I pray, pray for my friends, my family, for what I've done, pray. for what I'm doing, and for what I will do. Praying for if I had the chance, I would have seized it and made it right. Praying for if I could fly high, I could spread my wings and fly higher.
This is the night, I pray with hope that everything and everyone is okay.
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