墾丁的海邊

下面的文章，原發表於2010年7月30日 23:38臉書上


一個人坐在海邊的酒吧裡，望*著依然滿是雲的天空，偷窺著那一二探出頭的星星。

望*著一群群的人潮，聽著現場的live music，想著從一個人的台北，來到一個人的墾丁，啜著一個人的黑啤酒，享用一個人的靜寂，再一次將自已隱身在人群裡：放空！

海邊的煙火，點點的炫麗，點綴著深夜的大海！只見一層層的白捲上岸，伴著一聲聲的浪，夜似乎熱鬧又伴著心靈的安靜！


這樣的夜，一個人一杯酒，一樣的我。


*原文為「往」著為誤，此更正。

Eat and Love

下面這篇文章是2010年10月29日 16:25發佈在臉書的文章：

感情就像是一道料理，
有人喜歡清新順口的味道
有人喜歡辛辣刺激的口感
遇到了，一起吃個飯，
也許是滿桌的不對味，
也許是從頭到尾的驚喜！
我們不都在人生的旅程中
尋覓，
在餐與餐之間，
消化學習成長改變！
有人求個溫飽，
有人求個美食！
在適當的時候，
合適的餐點及合得來的飯友，
就一同起程了！
也許有下一餐，
也許就這一餐！
有人，吃到一半就離席了！
有人，總是努力吃到完。
不論過程是什麼，
你是什麼態度角色，
記得，吃飯的是你！
選自己要的！做自己！

感情變成親情

最近，也許是非常地冷吧！（謝謝天候異常的結果！）竟然常碰到有這樣切身問題的朋友：當感情變成了「親情」，然後呢？

有些朋友，培養不同的興趣，從生活中尋找不同的刺激！有些朋友，從道德中解放，將感情與慾望做分割！有些朋友們，想放手，尋求下一段感情！有些朋友，不敢面對一個人，就開始騎驢找馬！我，不是感情專家，更不曾有過那種「感情變親情」的經驗，所以到底怎麼做才是好的？我自己更是困惑與不解。

只是，坐在床上聽著外面因寒流帶來的強風和著音樂，窩在被中還是抵不住冷的夜晚，三點的我，禁不住地思考，是不是每段感情都免不了從感情變成親情？這只是一個考驗？還是一個必然的結果？

當生活中的細節，開始充滿二人的世界的時候時，曾經包裹甜蜜的愛情，還剩下多少空間？原本努力排出時間給彼此的約會，變成互相體諒的工作、應酬、疲累時，上一次仔細看看身旁的他是何時？關心的問候與甜蜜，轉化成柴米油鹽醬醋茶時，油煙味加上帳單壓力的愛，你感受或感動能多少？

如果這只是一個考驗，那我們要如何去面對及準備這樣的考驗？真的有這樣的愛，可以在一連串無味的打繫後，還可以苟活嗎？就算有人承擔了這一切，那誰又能保証另一半也承擔了？到底有多少人通過這樣的考驗呢？也許，不該這樣問，而是該問有多少愛，多少感情，曾經通過這樣的考驗？人生，起起落落一直相伴，不禁想要抱怨～要求一點點的美好，也這麼困難？連談個感情也一定要面對考驗嗎？

就算通過了考驗了，下一次的考驗呢？這類考驗似乎不是只有一次的！而且總特別愛在人生最脆弱的時候，為了向誰證明自己夠堅強似地，下一波又來了！一次又一次地考驗，我們又怎麼保證這樣的打繫，不會令人疲倦無力嗎？如果最後連接這段感情的唯一保證，只是一張紙，這樣也算及格嗎？

那如果這是一個必然的結果，那是不是每段感情的開始，就是期待它的親情化？那也許，我們也不用太大驚小怪，因為感情成長到後來就是成為親情！那也許，我們真的該思考的是：成為親情的感情，真的有這麼不好不對嗎？用心去經營一段親情化的感情，不好嗎？親情不能包含感情嗎？

生命中的伴，陪你走過這些點點滴滴，為了你，將自己的空間化成二個人的空間！為了你，忍受孤單，體諒你的工作、應酬、疲累！為了你，生活熬成追著帳單及下一餐溫飽！這樣不夠甜蜜？不值得你好好看他一眼？不夠感動嗎？就算重來，你生命中，有多少人願意這樣跟你再來一回？你何期幸福，在人生中找到這樣的伴！這樣願意為了你而付出一切的伴！

也許這個問題的結論是，怎麼會有這樣的問題？？永遠看不到自己有的，而一直看著自己沒有的人，就是註定沒有幸福的權力！

所以，這是一個考驗！但這不是一個針對感情的考驗，這是一個針對你的考驗！考驗你是不是還有資格擁有你身邊的這個人！考驗你是不是還配享有你的伴為了你做的一切！這也是一個必然的結果，因為這才是一個完整的感情！完整的幸福！完整的二個人！

下一次，你還有這個問題時，別問自己然後呢？打電話給他／她，約個會，享用一下許久沒有的互動！讓彼此從習慣的空間跳脫出來，讓陌生的新奇幫你的親情打一針感情吧！

盡歡三百杯～

啜著紅酒的夜晚，坐在床上，品味著李白的詩。

雖然不是什麼文人學子的，但誰說一定要是文人學子才能享用李白的詩？

可不是酒中詩人？來杯酒，伴著夜～來個「將進酒」佐一下心情

硬是李太白了起來～

君不見 黃河之水天上來

奔流到海不復回

君不見 高堂明鏡悲白髮

朝如青絲暮成雪

人生得意須盡歡

莫使金樽空對月

天生我材必有用

千金散盡還復來

烹羊宰牛且為樂

會須一飲三百杯

岑夫子

丹丘生

將進酒

君莫停

與君歌一曲

請君為我側耳聽

鐘鼓饌玉不足貴

但願長醉不願醒

古來聖賢皆寂寞

惟有飲者留其名

陳王昔時宴平樂

斗酒十千恣讙謔

主人何為言少錢

徑須沽取對君酌

五花馬

千金裘

呼兒將出換美酒

與爾同消萬古愁

這酒，這詩，這情懷～

和著07年的阿根廷紅酒，遙想當年李白對面坐的心情

聽他說著人生的經驗，也不禁唏噓。

勸說者人生需把握當下！當下有酒當下醉！

但

縱然人生如此無奈，看盡萬古愁；可何曾不想放手一搏，吒咤風雲？

縱然古來聖賢多寂寞，然高處不勝寒的孤獨感，可曾欣羨過？

人生總來這一遭，能留下什麼？又能帶走什麼？

午夜夢迴，雖不敢自比聖賢般的德道智慧，

然這一生這一回滿胸的抱負，就這樣和著金樽下肚嗎？

如此地伸展不開，但願長醉不願醒了～

酒不需多，但願意到醉到

言不需多，但願詞到心到

友不需多，但願伴到義到

大詩人勸酒了，小弟言多了！

喝吧！就將這一晚盡歡三百杯！

就讓千年前的酒流到今朝與我一同留名今夕！

結束

也是該到一個結束的地步了

我真的好累了
我一直願意相信這些日子以來
我看到的，我感受到的，都是真的

但是愈是這樣感受的時候
這個時候的心情就愈沈重
悶又痛的感覺又再度浮上

我不了解他為何要一直如此？
這些小朋友們對他來說，就這麼難以抵抗嗎？
那我又算什麼？
難道我連這些小朋友們都不如嗎？

我做了這麼多，都是我自己甘願，也沒有什麼好怨嘆的。
但是，偶而聽到之前的人怎麼對他時，
我不禁想，別人這麼對他，他給了承諾
而我這樣對他，連在一起都不算？！
到後來，我真的不知道是不甘心還是什麼了

四次，前前後後總共四次。
我再在乎再喜歡，也受不起四次的拒絕及羞辱吧！

被推開更是莫名的恥辱！我有這麼不堪嗎？

曾經的一切真的都已經過去了～
對離開的人來說，放開總是這麼的簡單。
而被留下的人來說，不是不想放開，而是一種莫名的不知所措…
令人不知如何是好…

前前後後，九個月…
這些日子以來，無數的失眠，數不清的眼淚…
朋友們都不捨了
有些朋友也不知道怎麼勸我，只好說：如果這是你的選擇，你只好接受
我的生活全亂了
從來不知道跟一個人在一起比一個人的時候還孤單
心痛心悶胃痛胃悶
什麼都不對…

我真的累了
我真的夠了

Still painful

It is one thing to realise one thing and to experience that thing.

Even you know that this is how things going to be and this is the end, you still try to fool yourself about everything. Why? I don't know... I really don't.

Wish there is someone who could tell me.

I remember the movie once said, if someone pray God to give hima happiness, do you think God will just give him/her happiness? or do you think God will give him/her a chance to have the happiness? So everything could be a test to what you pray for?

I don't understand, maybe it's a payback of what I've done for others, or maybe it's a test of what I prayed for, yet how much do I have to payback and how much test do I have to pass?

This 'THIS'

This is the very first time, I'm trying to write something about this, I don't even know how to call this.

I don't even know when and how this started and then before I knew it, I am not me anymore.
I thought all I wanted is very simple, just a support, a care, and a love.

Then I realise you have to deal with all those things not exactly what you expected and then you have to face all the deepest fear you have been afriading of facing and dealing with.

You thought you were lonely when you are single, but then when you were with someone, here comes the loneliness always around you. The most difficult part is how you try so hard to understand why someone can neglect you so much and care about you so little when yourself are all over the other. The more you think, the less you get. Suddenly, time never flies by, cause each second is like a torturing and then when the dark comes, you hate the time passes by so slow but yet painful.

All what you have cared, not important any more. All what matters is what you wanna care.
You try to get yourself out of this and want to get back to a normal life, but then the more you try, the more you care. Then you started to ask yourself, why?

You might know the answer already, but you just don't have the gut to face the reality. You are avoiding the truth, you are trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. Yet you are already hurt and you are crying inside. The bruise are so deep that you don't want to take a look cause you know once you look at it, you'd know everything is over.

Maybe you are just not ready to get over with, maybe you are just still hoping a tiny hope that everything will be fine.

You just don't see at the end, whether all these dark sides dragged you into all these negative thoughts or you just really can't see any positive sides of this 'this'.

What is this? You are dying to find out and hope to get an answer, but it seems pushing away and apart is the only result you got. You can't and you don't want to think why, cause you know once you start to think, nothing good will be left.

At one point, you don't what to think and what to believe. You hate all these uncertainty and all these spontaneous 'plans'. Then you hate you are always the last priority in this 'this'. You couldn't help but keep asking yourself what am I? why am I treated like this? Don't I deserve better? Don't I deserve someone descent?

At this hunting jungle, aren't we all expected someone descent? But then are we all lost to find someone descent and forget to decentise ourselves?

Some many questions just like this 'this', and still some much uncertainty and unanswered questions, but then you know what's the point to ask and why bother to get the answer when you are the only one who care?!

Then you'd start like if I knew, I'd've done things differently. Differently in protecting yourself more or in hurting yourself more? At the end of the end, you got to always have this question, why me? and then why not me?

You wanna laugh but then you realise that tears are covering all your face when you start to laugh, you taste your own bitter.

失眠

失眠的星期三夜晚，完全不知所謂何來。
是因為過多的茶還是因為過多的思潮？
困惑在原因中的探索，而讓時間流逝而不自知。

結束了上一個工作，馬上又要迎接下一個工作，
是對未來不確定的惶恐？還是對過去的不滿足感而嘆息？

三點多醒來，不知如何是好，
傳了個簡訊給好朋友，雖然知道他一定早睡了，
但還是不免想要碰個運氣。

再度進入小睡眠，再醒來又是五點，
輾轉難眠，到底是什麼卡在心上又放不開呢？

愈想愈得不到一個所以然，然而卡在這不知如何是好的沮喪，
加上沒有睡好的疲累感，整個脾氣突然不安地蠢蠢欲動！

連寫個部落格，但無法順暢，
二句二句的，感覺好像在併湊一些想法，但又不得其門而入。

深呼伋，放鬆，別緊張，別擔心，別想太多，一點都不射手座的行為！
就是因為充滿了不確定，人生才有未來。

六點十六分…再度挑戰睡眠中！

悶

天氣熱得有點不知所措，坐在捷運上雖然車上的空調讓人得到暫時的舒緩，一開一關的車門，捲入的熱氣，如同三溫暖般地，炙烤車內的人們。

心中的想法感觸，最近常有，然而卻又有理不清的思維卡在那，另人燥悶。一種不吐不快，卻又江郎才盡的矛盾！

手機上的輸入，又不盡人意，一個字得花上平時的數倍！

到最後，不知是天氣，還是捷運，亦或是滿腹說不出的想法，總之，一個字：悶！

Mike from N97

Relationship

On the topic of relationship with a friend the other day, discussing about the length of a relationship and more essentially how does a relationship even start?

When you started to dating someone, does that count as a relationship? Well that's psycho's talking. Hello! way to early even to think of that. Okay let's get back to beginning, when is the moment you realise that you are moving from an appointment with a friend to dating a friend? How do you define that line when is the moment you cross? More importantly, how do you know both of you are the other side of the line?

Let's say you guys cross the line either together or one after the one, the dating started. How oftren you should date a person so you feel that the dating is sound? How much you should invest in this dating thing and based on what? When is the moment you feel so comfortable to receive and to give without feeling 'sure?'? Is it better to take and give as granted? Or maybe granted is too much as a word, as to enjoy the giving and taking? How much is enough that the other knows you care about him/her but not too much to give the other pressure and/or scare the other away?

Or maybe we are thinking too much about all this dating thing. Love is a tricky business or we wouldnt hear so much about it from time to time. Deep down inside, we all know what to do when dealing with emotion and what's reasonable to do. Yet if we are all that rational, how do all these emotional feelings coming from? Whendealing the feelings are all based on emotions, is it too much ask not to be emotional?

Or maybe all these quantitilising of feelings is simply just too much to ask. Some people are crazy in love at once, some people like to take thing slow, some people like to slow down thing, and sometimes it's just a 'he/she is just not that into you' scenario. So let the motion dealing with all these then. Even with all the possible standard of how to define everything, and how you deal rational, at the end of day, it is your feeling tells you how you feel about this person and how you would like to do at this moment.

Maybe it's not something you do or don't do, it's just you do the thing to wrong person or wrong timing. Wrong is too strong as a word, it's just he/she isn't the at the right moment for you or he/she isn't there yet.

Mike blogged from N97

壯圍溫室蕃茄及哈蜜瓜

台灣宜蘭縣壯圍鄉引進日本精緻農業，採水果不落地、自然授精《蜜蜂》、無農藥使用。主人非常地熱心好客，對自我的成果非常驕傲。

南方澳海邊

放假的第五天，隨著家人來到宜蘭南方澳，如此怡人熱帶的情景，不禁令人心懭神怡，感受到九天節日的氣氛。

Testing New Software

This is a new software I download from iTune. Quite easy to use and cute!

Party end

Don't you always have a feeling that you are distant from a certain group and you know already at the beginning that this is what you put yourself into, but still you feel a little bit left over?

You know the isolation from certain group that even everyone is chatting you but you still don't feel that you belong to something! That's the distance you never can get rid off and you will always have.

I can't stop thinking deeper that where is this feeling come from? I know that I am just being jealous but again when I look at myself I work hard enough, it's not just you want to be awarded. It's like Oscar, of course all the spot goes to all the actors and actress, but at least, they reward those people behind the scene!

You want to feel you are part of the team but again you are just part of yourself.

So tired and lost now, maybe it's the loneliness after the party, maybe it's just some low pay White collar complaining about life and career, or maybe it's just me can't find a balance between reality and fantasy.

On the way home, thoughts keep coming up and can't get rid off. Threading these thoughts, I am struggling to get a breathe from the gap. Breathe in and out, in and out, ...

Mike from iPhone

Work

It has been up and down for me doing this position.

I do love this job and I do work hard, but ask me to give up my life and devout myself TOTALLY into this job is totally another thing.

When you work hard to some level, and you lost the reason when you came to this job, isn't it bit confusing and frustrated? How do you mend a situation like this? I really don't know!

If you don't want to sacristy yourslef to your job, why does that make you a bad employer? How much more so toy have to do in order to price yourself?

What if what you have been doing is not exact what your boss what, then aren't I wasting all the time of myself? Doesn't that mean no matter how hard you work, you could prove nothing to no one but yourself?

There is only two possible explanations, one, you don't have whatever it takes to do this job properly. Two, your boss just don't appreciate what you have been doing or you are not doing what you are expected to do.

Either way, doesn't it make you wonder then why on earth are you doing here? I know it's not happen everyday that you'd get a job you have been dreaming of nor that you'd find a job with a perfect boss!

However, for the long run, don't you think it's something you really need to put into consideration as your career? You wanna work for yourself eventually one day, no?

Weekend, after two days working in Kaohsiung and two weeks non stop OT, you are putting thoughts for yourself.

Mike from iPhone

Coffee and London

I am in the starbucks with the wrong pair of shoes drinking the hot grande non fat latte.

What a nice Sunday afternoon!

Been to the department store like usual and shopping for several books, well before that you got to evaluate your possible mood for the coming weeks to prepare what kind of books you wanna digest.

Funny that you would realize ham you are exploring the bookshore, you'd find out that some 'story' you prefer to see of on screen rather than books, even you know that it is going to me much more details and fun in the book. Guess I am not much an 'imaginary' person!

It's been a while I am home alone for the weekend. Remind me a lot of my stay at London. Life is so different of course, but again I worked my ass off to this job and I do love this job. Will I trade off what I have now to staying in London?

This is not even a fair question to begin with, who knows what I would have if I stayed in London? But LV? Guess it's not just something you could just give up, even just an assistant!

But the thought of comapring these two together, I realized I am not over London yet, I am not sure whether I could ever do that in my life, especially when the end turned out so ugly and wrong!

How could you get over the thought of 'what if'? I guess that's something I've never gotten off with, and you know what, I don't even wanna get over!

Mike blogged from iPhone

On the way back home

Just realise that it has been a while since last time I wrote something for my blog.

After using this new mobile, everything is still learning and trying to get used to thr GUI and keyborad.

Life hasn't been easy for me recently, even BBB has changed her attitude. I am not sure whether it's because I am doing better than before or what. Only who knows when everything will change back again.

From my experience, retail never goes along with merchandising. Who knows what day whay will happen and it becomes my fault or my responsibility. You just have to be careful and do things in a more discrete way.

I am sure everyone has their own standard and expectation. There is never a perfect way for one thing. The best we could do, I suppose is to try to find a way everyone can understand and accept. Yet this is based on, of course, everyone is on board to reach the same target with the same mind. Otherwise, everything is just like total useless and at the end, everyone is just trying to find someone to blame on.

That's life. What you gonna do about it? Like we always say to ourselves: do your best and do what you can. The rest is up to fate. What is yours is yours.

Mike blogged from X1

Work Thoughts

On the way home after whole day's frustration, I couldn't stop wondering how worst the situation could be. I'm at my mid thirty and still an assistant. I worked so hard but seems never good enough.

The bottom line is I love this job and I care for this job to do this much. Yet, how much is enough and how much is the most I could take.

When I was in the army, I used to work with this officer, it's never been easy. He is no doubt a nice person, but just difficult. I couldn't remember how long I suffered from this, but I survived.

All this reminded me of that situation back then, I suffered cause I have to. Now I suffered for my passion of fashion. Heaven knows what I have been doing and working. What is fair? I really don't know. At the end of the day, you are still judged.

Good or bad? I couldn't control all, but I wanna tell myself that I have no sorry for anything or anyone.

I don't think myself so important that I'm irreplaceable. I'm just like everyone, trying to work the best way for all.

I don't think myself is so good and talented that I could do anything either.

When is the time I'd stop thinking all this? I don't know. Maybe one day, maybe that day will never come. Maybe it's the day when I think enough is enough, then that's another story.

Mike blogged from E71

A Toast to My Best Friends' Weddings

Just realise that I'd be in KHH all next week until Nov 1, so guess I won't be seeing you again before you guys leave.

Wanna take this chance to say thank you very much and I know u guys have been doing so much for this weddings, sorry, engagement.
It's really not that easy to find someone in this world, believe me, I've been trying. You guys are so lucky. I never got the good chances to really know ur other halves. But from what I learn from you guys and what had been thru for you two couples, I really feel that this is the existing evidence of happily ever.

There is no perfect marriage nor perfect couple, despite all the crap movies and novels told us. The important is I see you guys are working so hard for this to work. With all the differences, all the distance, all the secrets, all the sad and happy, you guys still work thru.
when I stood next the stage, I looked at you two couples, I looked the expression when you looked at each other. I told myself, that is love, that is the commitment you make for each other no matter good or bad.
Congratulations. I really never got the chances to say how happy I am for you guys and how touched I am when I knew how Maurizio and Aingaran are willingly to cooperate and do all this. I am sure after all this, there should be nothing can stand between you guys.

There is no guarantee for always happy, but I am not worried at all. Cause I now know, no matter what happened, you have each other and you will work together to pass all. That's genuine, and that's sincere.
Just for the record, I am not a big fan of weddings, nor attending one, only for really good friends.

If I had a glass now, I'd raise mine and wish u all the best. I'd like to make this as a toast I might not be able to attend your weddings in the uk or in italy.

I wish all the happiness for you.

Mike Toasted from E71

Talee Starplace Opening

Arrived KHH on Monday afternoon, work after work like never ends, requests from new store, requests from AP team, requests from bosses, requests from other stores, STOP REQUESTING!
Finally, everything is ready for opening party on Friday. It's like watching a babe been born. Brought my memory back to London, when Biscister Village was opening. It was a tough one, but we managed. I still remembered on the opening party, I spilled the champagne on one boot. Lol what a good memory.

Also, the memory of opening the first Taiwan store when I worked for last company. It was totally nightmare. Nothing felt be prepared back then, and our so called team were not working together. It was a mess, but some how we managed it to work.

The first time, I was followed the instructions by the store manager. Second time, I was one of the decision makers and planned to make things working. This time, I am followed the instructions and responsible for things needed to be reinforced. Three openings, three positions, what an experience I have to say.

Lots of celebrities has been invited to the opening party and ribbon cutting. After all, compared to previous, this is the top luxury brand of the world. You'd see a lot a lot more than others.

The job is not done as the store has just been open. Yet to see it from nothing to something, it is really something you participate part of it. You are not trying to take any credit for this, but you just feel so proud of what has been done. Maybe not perfectly, but nothing is perfect in the world.

Mike blogged from E71